Free

"The truth will set you free!"

For years I have been living in lies, pretensions and fear. Fear of abandonment to whatever consequences I might face on my decisions. I have this elaborate plan for revealing things to my family, friends and everything in between but all of these was trashed. All my assumptions, precautions and preparations became useless because clearly I'm not in control of everything.

I always have this fear for my family especially my mom. I know this will hurt her so much but I have to do this. Prolonging this will only make things worse because I'm only fooling myself and everyone around me. It's hard to tell the truth but the truth will set you free. Things might not be okay today but eventually things will surely get better.

We had our conversation yesterday and it was like the old times. The same cloud of sadness filled the room as we talk about all our  misunderstandings and my condition that she was not really prepared. She was shocked and I was worried.  We both cried. She told me that she was crying the night before and asked my little brother. I was surprised on how my brother answered to her. I felt a relief and an assurance that I will not lose my family just because I'm different. I told her that I will never do things that will put our family in disgrace and added that she's having a misconception, a generalization of  people like me. I don't see myself like she's imagining and I'm not that kind either even though I'm not the kind of person she expected me to be. What matters most is that I'm still his son and I will always be here for her and my brother.

After our conversation yesterday we haven't talked again. I guess we just need a room for fresh air and let time help her accept things and eventually make it easier for the both of us. This is surely a new year for our family.